Làm Thầy phải thế chứ

Mùng Một, ngày Rằm nào, Phòm cũng sắm một lễ nhỏ. Ra đền. Trước là cầu xin Thánh phù hộ cho làng yên, dân ổn. Sau là xin an lành cho nhà Phòm! Đầu tháng này cũng vậy! Mà mấy năm nay, nghe chừng nhà và làng yên ổn thật! Nhưng hôm nay vừa thỉnh chuông xong, cụ thủ từ không khấn cùng Phòm như mọi ngày mà cụ lẳng lặng ra ngồi uống trà cùng các cụ khác.

Phòm vừa từ trong đền bước ra, cụ thủ từ đã hỏi:

- Này bác Phòm, bác nói cho chúng tôi nghe cái công nghệ 4 chấm 0 là cái gì mà nó có vẻ kì lạ vậy?
- Ấy, sao hôm nay cụ thủ từ lại quan tâm đến chuyện thế giới thế???
- Chẳng là thế này…Cụ thủ từ mồm đã móm mém, vừa gạt gạt chòm râu lơ phơ vừa kể: - Hôm qua có ông thầy cúng ở bên kia sông, ông ấy sang xin tựa cửa nhà thánh, lập đàn cúng cho đôi vợ chồng đã bỏ nhau 5 năm, nay phải về ở với nhau.
- Việc đó thì làng ta vẫn đồng ý, chỉ không được phép yểm bùa hay dùng tà thuật linh tinh mà!
- Nếu thế thì chẳng nên chuyện. Ông ta sắp lễ xong, thắp hương, rồi mở ngay một cái đài cát xéc, cho nó ôm ổm cất giọng cúng, còn ông ta ra ngồi đánh cờ với mấy bác bảo vệ. Gia chủ thì cứ ngồi lạy như bổ củi theo tiếng cúng trong đài!
- Rồi sao nữa ạ?
- Tôi hỏi thì ông ấy bảo cụ lỗi thời rồi, thời đại công nghệ 4 chấm 0, mọi việc đều tự động hết. Tôi bảo làm thế tội với nhà Thánh! Ông ta bảo thánh thần giờ cũng đổi mới rồi, nhận đồ cúng thì hoa ni lông, hương điện nhấp nháy, rồi gà nhựa, bánh bọt cao su. Đến như bánh chưng dâng giỗ tổ vua Cha mà quốc tổ cũng nhận đồ làm bằng xốp nữa là. Ta phải đi trước thời đại cụ ạ! Làm Thầy phải thế chứ!
Phòm giơ ngay cái điện thoại con gái mua cho, nói như đúng rồi:
- Mọi cái có tất trong này! “Con kiến mà theo cành đa, nếu mà tắc tị thì tra gu gồ ạ!”. Đây, đây, con đọc các cụ nghe nhé! Các cụ nghiêng đầu lắng nghe.
“4.0 là cách mạng công nghiệp lần thứ tư! Cách mạng công nghiệp lần thứ nhất có phát minh máy hơi nước, thay sức người lao động, người ta gọi là thời đại cơ khí hóa lao động. Cách mạng công nghiệp lần thứ 2, xuất hiện động cơ điện. Người ta gọi là thời kỳ Điện khí hóa. Cách mạng công nghiệp lần thứ 3 là lúc xuất hiện công nghệ thông tin. Người ta gọi là thời kỳ Tin học hóa và tự động hóa! Cách mạng công nghiệp lần thứ tư, tức là 4.0 đấy! là tự động hóa , tin học hóa cao ngút trời, nó sử dụng nhiều trí tuệ thông minh nhân tạo. Tức là..là… rô bốt sẽ thay người làm mọi việc!!!
- Ồi ồi… rô bốt thay người nấu cơm cơ á!?
- Chứ sao, nó đã thay người làm ô tô, làm xe máy rồi; tới đây nó sẽ làm cả việc bán hàng, mát xa, quản lý nhà máy, quản lý thư viện, làm bác sỹ mổ…
- Eo ôi, nằm ườn ra cho máy nó mổ, nhỡ nó nhầm, mình định mổ mật mà nó lại mổ bọng đái thì sao?
- Cụ yên trí, người ta cài đặt chính xác lắm không thể oong đơ được! Rô bốt còn làm thơ, làm thầy giáo, làm cô giáo nữa chứ chẳng chơi!!!
Các cụ lắc đầu, có vẻ ngao ngán. Hỏi:- Người máy mà làm thơ thì nó rung động từ đâu nhỉ? Phòm gãi đầu:- Ầy à, cái này anh gu gồ thối! chưa thấy nói gì! Các cụ lai thắc mắc: Rô bốt nó dạy học thì nó yêu thương học trò ra sao nhỉ? Phòm thấy khó giải thích quá, bèn lảng: - Thế, gần đây các cụ có nghe chuyện “cô giáo cấm khẩu”, tức là 3 tháng không giảng bài không?
- Có nghe bác ạ!
- Các cụ có nghe “cô giáo rẻ lau”, tức là bắt trẻ uống nước lau bảng không?
- Có! Chuyện bậy quá!
- Các cụ có nghe chuyện thầy thể dục tát học trò, thầy dạy văn chửi tục không…?
- Có nghe!
- Đấy đấy, các thầy cô ấy là những người đi trước thời đại! Họ chuẩn bị cho học sinh quen với rô bốt dạy học sau này đấy! Chẳng lâu đâu, chỉ vài chục năm nữa thôi. Ra đường, các cụ sẽ đếch nhận ra đâu là người đâu là rô bốt !!! Cho nên các thầy cô ấy bây giờ lấy thân mình tập làm rô bốt trước. Mọi người chả hiểu, cứ chửi. Khổ thế!
Cụ thủ từ như hiểu ra, gật gù:
- À à…ra là vậy... Làm thầy! Làm thầy phải thế chứ!!!
Tháng Tư 2018
LaHAN

 

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