Sài Gòn

Kẻ tha hương này đến Sài Gòn hai mươi năm trước, coi chuyến đi như sự du chơi lãng đãng của tuổi 20 tràn trề hi vọng vào cuộc đời mênh mông như gió mây... Một khoảng thời gian dài lạc loài như khách trọ, đau đáu hương hoa sữa, góc phố quen, nụ hôn giữa đông lạnh... Lưu giữ ký ức như khoảng thời gian thần thánh để tôn thờ, để nuối tiếc...

1. Sài Gòn đêm...

Gọi là Sài Gòn đêm vì thành phố lên đèn từ hẻm khuất đến gầm cầu, còn Sài Gòn hình như không bao giờ ngủ...

Có nhiều lúc, chạy xe ngoài đường mà chẳng để đi đâu, chỉ đơn giản là cách để va chạm với thành phố này... Những tiếng lóc cóc của mì gõ, tiếng xóc xách của tẩm quất dạo gợi nhớ tiếng rao "Tào phớ" của Hà Nội đến nao lòng...

Có những đêm lang thang quán cóc với bạn, đêm về nghe cái lạnh ngấm trên gò má... Nhớ đêm đông quê nhà đến nỗi vô thức muốn ủ tay vào túi áo khoác của bạn... Vòng tay nhận ra gã đang mặc áo sơ mi, áp má vào lưng gửi giọt nước mắt mềm như cỏ...

Sài Gòn đêm đầy gái dật dờ những góc đường tối. Thấp thoáng da thịt, phấn son, lập loè điếu thuốc trên môi... Câm lặng, nhẫn nại, bơ phờ... Nhưng lạ sao, vẫn thấy họ có gì đó tử tế, dễ thương, dễ mến...

Ở đường Hùng Vương có một quán ốc nổi tiếng có tên Ốc Gái (thậm chí còn có một tấm biển đồng nhỏ: Công ty Trách nhiệm hữu hạn Ốc Gái). Cứ thắc mắc mãi cái tên quán, cho tới một lần đi công chuyện về muộn, kéo bạn về đây, thấy xung quanh toàn những cô gái vừa rời những gốc cây, sàn nhảy thì phải. Chợt nghĩ có phải vì thế quán ốc này có tên Ốc Gái? Và nếu đúng, chỉ Sài Gòn mới hồn nhiên và nhân ái đến thế!

2. Người Sài Gòn...

Người Sài Gòn phóng xe vèo vèo, trèo lề, lách góc, cua gấp, hối hả ... nhưng bình thản nhường nhau cái bánh xe khi chen chúc kẹt đường. Đụng xe, lăn quay giữa lộ... Trừng mắt gặp lời xin lỗi... Lồm cồm bò dậy, lầm bầm "Đù má...", phủi áo quần mất hút vào đám đông...

Người Sài Gòn chỉ đường cặn kẽ: tới... tới... tới... Rồi có khi : Theo tôi, tôi đi cùng một đoạn... chỗ đó khó kiếm... Tới nơi, vừa nói lời cảm ơn đã chỉ kịp nhìn thấy cái lưng áo quay ngược xe... lấp loáng nụ cười và một lời như gió thoảng: Không có gì...

Người Sài Gòn cặm cụi mưu sinh từ 3 giờ sáng, tô mì gõ sóng sánh cả mùi lam lũ mà phóng khoáng... Người hàng xóm hỏi: "Đắt hàng sao không bán thêm chút kiếm tiền xài, về chi sớm...".  Nhấp một hơi cafe đen, rổn rảng: "Nhiêu đủ rồi...". Co một giò lên ghế bố quán cóc ven đường, ngoắc người bán vé số... Đời lại thênh thênh đến nửa đêm về sáng...

Anh Hai Sài Gòn ra khỏi nhà hàng lửng xửng leo lên xe không vững vẫn quay lại : Ê mày, tính tiền có bo cho mấy đứa nhỏ không?... Vỗ vai, kéo nhau đi tiếp, đường về nhà dài hơn tới quán nhậu... Thỉnh thoảng bắt gặp một gã trung niên ngủ tỉnh bơ bên vệ đường... Vừa sợ, vừa thương, vừa ngán ngẩm... nhưng không thể không mủm mỉm cười... Vài giờ trước ở đâu đó gã là kẻ mạnh, khua tay: Ừa thì tới bến...

3. Vĩ thanh...

Kẻ tha hương này đến Sài Gòn hai mươi năm trước, coi chuyến đi như sự du chơi lãng đãng của tuổi 20 tràn trề hi vọng vào cuộc đời mênh mông như gió mây...

Một khoảng thời gian dài lạc loài như khách trọ, đau đáu hương hoa sữa, góc phố quen, nụ hôn giữa đông lạnh... Lưu giữ ký ức như khoảng thời gian thần thánh để tôn thờ, để nuối tiếc... Dửng dưng với Sài Gòn, không thoả hiệp với hiện tại là để ngoan cố giữ cho mình không mai một, không mờ phai... Người ở đây - giữa Sài Gòn, vồn vã mưu sinh, vật vã với những vấp ngã đớn đau mà hồn vẫn đăm đắm quay về với xa cũ...

Rồi một ngày nhận ra... đang lắng nghe tiếng anh hàng xóm hát điệu hò Nam Bộ... Vơi bớt cảm giác ngùi ngụi buồn khi 30 Tết đặt lên bàn thờ chuỗi bánh tét chuối ngậy bùi cạnh bánh chưng thơm mùi nếp mới ... Về quê ngày Đại Hàn, chiều muộn, bạn gọi điện thoại, nghe giọng nói Sài Gòn bỗng cuống cuồng, cồn cào, da diết như thể gặp lại tình nhân sau biền biệt nhớ...

Là đã bắt đầu kéo rèm sương khói hoài niệm, để lòng mênh mênh nắng gió Sài Gòn... Là như con tằm nhả những sợi tơ thương nhớ quấn kén ở nơi không phải là quê hương...

Là một ngày xanh, con ngài cắn vỏ...

Rực rỡ cánh bướm bay lên...

Trời xanh...

Nước xanh...

Mây xanh...

Xanh cả nửa đời đã qua...

Xanh nhịp chân về phía cuối con đường rộn ràng nắng mật...

Sài Gòn, 01/2016

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